mY LiFe

at last!!!! i'm done wif my job!

2006-05-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

YES!!!!!!!!! HOORAY!!!

i'm out of CELIA LOE!! [longing 4 tis 2 ages... hahaha]
yesterday was my last day of work.. & i was so excited when da time i leave reaches nearer... i pakced all my things & get out of dat place in time!! da minute i step out da shop.. i was like, "THANK GOD!!! i m free!!!!" buahahahaha...

then it was time 2 celebrate! actually ming hon jz invited me 4 dinner... hahaha^^ we walk around mv jz 2 past da time... frm ground flr to 3rd flr... we walk up & down bt still dun manage 2 figure out wat 2 do.. at last, we decide 2 go & hv our meal...
da day b4 we had decided 2 go KIM GARY, & we nvr regret choosing dat place.. really enjoy da meal.. i got 2 eat my favourite "Baked Cheese Rice"!! & tried a new drink "Coconut Mango" hahaha... ming hon ate Shanghai Mee.. & passed all da "wan tan" 2me.. he said it was "DELICIOUS" hahaha... [which actually turn out 2 taste weird..] after eating.. we went on sitting down chatting.. we see those ppl paying their bill.. den we aso order another drink so dat is not dat "paiseh..." hahaha...
at last, we paid da bill.. oh no no no.. MING HON paid da bill... hahaha den off we go.. 1st time i sat his car.. haha.. not bad~ he sent me back home...

after back home, i recall those tiring time at work... i felt soooo RELAX!! i cant believe i m not workin there anymore!! hahaha..
i feel asleep... & there goes dreamland~~

a new me...

2006-05-10T08:12:00.000-07:00

few more days & i m out of CELIA LOE!!!!!!

waiting 4 dat a long time......finally!!!!

i changed my hairstyle... & i think is ok~ my darling says i look like a japanese now but... who cares~ hahaha
well... there goes da new me~ cant wait 4 college!! & start a whole new life... now my relationship is on da path & i m satisfied wif it.. =) at least he treats me really as his love one... i appreciate it & i hope it last...

dear, being wif u made me happy.. really~ i really nvr regret doin da choice... & i wanna tell u... I LOVE U!!!!!! muacccccckkzzzzzzzzzzzzz

haiz... tired of blogging...
tell u guys bout my college when i start~ love ya *wink*

long time din blog edi...

2006-05-07T09:18:00.000-07:00

its been a long time since da last time i blog here...

i've been buzy wif my job... preparing college & stuff...
totally exhausted tis few days but i still go thru it... no matter how hard is life, i'll nvr gv up!!

in love now~ so call...............
but i m satisfied, & i trust in fate... since i've done my best, i shud not feel sorry 4 any1... i love my life, i love my family... i love him 2... but will things turn out gd? no1 noes...
i've told myself not 2 gv up... i thought bout it for a long time & i decide 2 go thru it~ i'll try my best 2 be perfect... untill da day he decide...

omg........................
who can tell me wat i m doin is correct or wrong?
i noe ppl always say i m dumb or stupid 4 sacrificing 4 him.. but really, i nvr regret.. even we broke up b4, i still believe myself... still believe him~
i thx him 4 being there 4 me alwiz... & i'll do da same 4 him 2...
loving sum1 is 2 see him happy... as long he's happy, no matter wat i nid 2 do..
i'll do it jz 4 him.... >> cz i love him

enuf of all these nonsence... starting college on 22nd may!! excited bout it! gila~
hahahaha

c ya!

wat is goin on?

2006-04-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

wats happening?

why is it happening?

who m i loving?

why do i do all these?

does all this worth 4 it?

all these questions... who is gonna answer me?

Pls dun take him away from me~

2006-04-10T02:06:00.000-07:00

dear Patchy,

pls be strong... we will always be there 4 u~ plz...
hang on there.... we dun wanna let u go... pls be strong!!!!
i hv jz lost my love one & i dun wan it 2 happen again!! if u leave us, Coco will be lonely~ Patchy, pls....................... hang on there!!! u muz survive...

we pray 4 u~ hope u cud go thru tis...

no matter wat, we will always be there 4 u...

we love u dear~

i'm such an idiot....

2006-04-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

thought he'll be da one....

but things are always out of human control... i can't do anything now but WAIT......
i've tried my best~ i've hold my tears... tried 2 be strong... i believe i can do it!! losing sum1 is nothing!!!! i'm ok!!!

well...... i dunno wat da hell is happening 2 me... & i dun wanna care~

i hv 2 mood 2 blog~ [getting ready 4 college life]

is this real??

2006-04-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

is this really happening or i hv been dreaming all along???

he said he love me? [so sorry dat da *he* does not mean my darling... lolz] oh my dear... how cud tis be happening between us... why muz he treat me like dat? i dunno wat m i thinkin now... i m so confuse... confuse wif my feelings...

i hv been thinking so much lately... thought bout him... thought bout da one i love...
does he really love me? after all i hv done... did he appreciate it???

problems appearing but who is willing there 2 share wif me? at the end, he is there 4 me... da one who always use 2 be... but i noe is impossible between us... he'll nvr let go her cz of me... i noe dat.....

i hv been holding on 2 da one i love but it jz seems dat he doesn't care... he nvr bother if he will lose me... even though i leave him now... he will still be da same old him, doesn't effect at all!! now.. i cant cry anymore.............................

tears has STOP.... cz i dunno wat do i really feel....................
go on wif my life? sure......... but who noes will it be a happy one?

Is that what i really wanted?

2006-03-21T19:18:00.000-08:00

i'm confuse wif my feelings...
i dunno wat i really want... i felt da distance between me & him has gone really far... i want to make it betta but i dunno how 2... crying doesnt help & so do bringing up da problem... is he really da one 4 me? do i really love him? did he eva liked me? who is there 2 answer all these questions 4 me? being to honest might not be da right way 2... sumtimes it hurts... & i usually cover da wound & let da pain past itself...

when i m alone, i really thought of a lot of things...
listening 2 da music da use 2 play in my life, my tears rolled down..... but no one has eva really been there 4 me... who i mentioned use 2 share my feelings wif me has all gone.... & i wud not want 2 bother ppl's life... boon pink, alex, chun kee..... they were always been there 4 me when i m sad... but now.......

i jz wish things cud get betta... i tried being da best of all... i've tried... i really did....................... plz find sum1 who really understand me.......... blogging here is jz 2 releasing my stress......... & i hope it really helped....

dear,
things became different.... can't u feel it? i dun wanna lose u & i do hope u cud save tis relationship of us 2gether wif me... i dun wanna be confused wif my feelings but i jz cant help it!! i dun wanna cry but u nvr been there 4 me when i weep... i jz wanna hv a happy life wif u... can't we go thru tis 2gether? i dun wanna let go & i'll nvr gv up.... dear, do u hear me.....???

omg.... i getting crazy... as if i m talking 2 da wall....
wateva............................................................................

wat had i done??

2006-03-17T04:33:00.000-08:00

wat did i do wrong???

did i do sumthing wrong? izzit my fault by worrying bout him?? shud i or not?
wats da prob wif my attitude? was it bad?? i wonder...............................

who is there 2 listen 2 me now?? i hv been such an idiot!! i've been worrying things dat has nth 2 do wif me.... & get scolding instead... spoiling everyones' mood & made everyone unhappy...

i dun wanna care bout anything now... hving a bad mood!! haiz... enuf of all these!!! enuf of all these tears... all da tears dat nobody cud see... enuf of me hiding in a side... crying silently...

plz........................................... i jz wan a happy relationship!!
in da world... nobody willing 2 sacrfice 4 me anymore?? there nvr been any1 ayway...

dats all.... no mood 2 type~

SPM result coming out soooooon.....

2006-03-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

omg!! SPM result is coming out in 2days time...

*hopefully i cud get 5 credits!!! i wanna enter diploma... PLZ!!!!!!!!

phew........................... is been a long time i blog here... *my pc was a bit da "sot sot" edi... lolz^^ i was suppose 2 stop workin at Celia Loe at da end of Feb bt i decide 2 stay instead.. cz of wat??? cz of MONEY!!!!!!! lolz.. i muz save sum pocket money 4 myself when i m goin 2 college~ & i might b renting a house there wif a group of frenz... [well~ it depends...]

college is starting at May... my darling might not b goin 2 da same college as me... is dat a gd thing? or a bad thing?? well.. i understand his meaning dat he dun wanna b da same college as me... & i m not worrying bout him knowing other gals or wat.. i m worrying dat me wud not hv much time 2 spend 2gether =( anyway, at least i m appreciating da time we spend 2gether now... if i really staying at wangsa maju, how often we will meet???? i really dunno... haiz...

dun talk bout unhappy things... at least i feel happy wif him now... he cares bout me & does wat a bf shud do.. glad 2 hear dat he has found a job... hope he will b happy wif his new job~
these few days, i felt dat he is being so sweet*... or izzit i notice it 2 late? lolz... being his lil princess is really my luck... am i consider as a lucky girl?? lolz... dear, thx sooo much!!!!

b4 forgeting.... i m getting FAT!!! omg... muz go on diet...
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

all da best in SPM RESULT...................................
love every1... muaxxxxxx*

confuse.....

2006-02-25T07:36:00.000-08:00

Totally confused!!

i have no idea wat i want & i m gonna go crazy sooner or later!!
m i doin da rite decision? will i regret? i jz wonder...

went 2 TARC 2day... 4 its open day..
& guess wat is da 1st course i went 2 ask 4... MEDIA STUDDIES!! lolz..
ppl might think is so NOT me... lolz^^ well... i went 2 survey all da courses dat TARC has... & da only course i m interested is MASS COMUNICATION..

let me tell u guys bout da real me..
i m not those who cud study whole night long or burn da mid nite oil jz 4 exams.. i would prefer enjoying da exam dan gving myself preasure bout it... i love doin practical NOT theory... i enjoy doin projects NOT locking myself up & studying like a NERD... i wish i cud choose a course dat i really interested & enjoy wat i m gonna learn.. i love socialising more dan facing sumthing "DEAD" such as a calculator... lolz.. i like facing ppl, presenting., social... NOT business or marketing! i cant say myself as a out spoken person but i m NOT quiet too!! lolz.. i can b out spoken when i hv da confidence in me... i m NOT shy!! dun think i m k? cz i m really not!! lolz.. now, i dunno wat 2 choose.. media studies or media broadcasting???? which one? or in the end i m gonna apply 4 A LEVELS?? i m so gonna b crazy!!! i cant make up my mind... especially ppl around me askin me wat m i choosing but end up gving me suggestions bout da course i choosed... u all r making me confuse!! & soon i'll b in saint!!! gv me a break!!!! sum1 suggested me 2 take up da course.. TOURISM.. bt i noe myself well.. i cud not b those leaving my home & NOT seeing my love ones... & bout dat course....... STILL CONSIDERING~ oooooooooo* sum1 there 2 help me?? i dunno wat shud i do now... i like jobs dat has sumthing 2 do wif media.. but~ m i really suitable 4 it? i dunno.....
haiz...........................................................................

omg!!! i m really gonna knock myself 2 da wall!!!

b4 i cud finish solving da college prob, i hv 2 really b serious while dealing wif my relationship... m i being sensitive or wat?? i jz feel dat sumthing is wrong & da feeling is so different now... not 2 say is sumthing bad... is jz dat.... its DIFFERENT

haiz... i dunno wat m i posting about... i m jz confuse & i cant seek 4 help.. everything is up 2 me 2 decide.. i nid 2 learn being a independent girl now... i hv 2 earn money 4 my college fees... my pocket money.. everything! my life is own my hand & i feel so preasure.. i jz hope he cud understands me 2~ i m sorry 4 being so unreasonable lately but i m really in a bad mood... i get mad easily & i ruined things up... i noe he won't b reading this now.. but still, i wanna tell my darling.. "I LOVE U!!!"

dear,
i still love u no matter wat... i noe i hv not been a gud gf.. i admit it but i'll try 2 change.. i hv been so preasured lately & i hope u cud really understand.. u might feel i din cared bout u lately but actually, i really do miss u a lot!!!!!!! really a lot!! ur love 2 me might decrease but mine is always increasing.... i noe i m such a idiot now cz i m posting sumthing u'll nvr see... & ppl might think i m a idiot cz i m posting s msg u cant c but nvr told u wat i feel... stupid yea?? lolz.. dats wat u always call me... =) anyway, thx 4 always being there 4 me... love u dear.. muax*

dats all 4 now... love ya! muax <3

get a life....

2006-02-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

PREASURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

totally tired & worn off!!!!!!!!!!!

omg............... y is my life tis way???
is there anything i cud do??? i hv done my best... wat can i do anymore 2 make things betta!!?

bt worse 2 worse... i still hv sum1 special there 2 share all my sadness wif me...
so dats y i love him...

dear, i might not been a gud gf dat u dreamt of bt i really tried my best..

dats all.... sick of blogging...

love u all* muackzzzz

MY VALENTINE <3

2006-02-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

2day is edi 17th February...
& i m only starting 2 blog bout my valentines day... lolz...
well... on da actual date on valentines day..................
i nid 2 work =(
i c ppl holding flowers & presents... feel so *jealous* lolz^^

on da 15th February...
dats da day i celebrated my valentines day~
we went 4 movie in da afternoon... watch *FIREWALL* [a cool movie yea~ lolz^^]
after da movie, went 2 carefour 2 do "marketing" [as in go & buy food 4 dinner.. lolz] we bought lamb meat & ingredients 4 spaghetti.. [i was planning 2 cook spaghetti.. cz i was only gud at tis =) ]
it was raining while we left MV... den we went 2 his sis's hse 2 cook...
we actually bought candles 2.. it was suppose 2 b a *candle light dinner* =)
it was fun cooking wif him.. i cooked spaghetti & he cooked da lamb... & it actually turn out quite nice!! lolz... we light up da candles & had a ROMANTIC dinner...
& here comes da presents!! lolz...
i bought him a t-shirt & wallet... & he actually bought me da PINK *Playboy* watch i love so much!! [thx darling!!!!! love ya!!! *MUAX*] after dinner... time 2 go home =(
well... i wish i cud spend more time wif him.....

he gave me a really happy valentines day & i realli did enjoy myself~
darling, thx a lot... i appreciate wat u had did 4 me.. *muax*

dats all 4 now... tired~
lolz... tata

wat shud i do?

2006-02-09T00:23:00.000-08:00

last nite...
i was so boring... really boring till i can go crazy!! i msg him but he mistaken me dat i was mad.. did i really lost control wif my attitude? i wonder~
recall last nite, i still think i din lose my tempered & i wasnt mad at all!! did i do anything wrong?!
tis morning, i called him... he told me he didnt wanna reply me.. mayb he thinks i m unreasonable, mayb i m..... i dunno*
when i heard him telling me wud not care bout me if i m mad without a reason.. i felt heartbroken.. he nvr understands.. nvr there 2 understand wat r my feelings.. i nvr get mad 4 nth!! i nvr!! i m aso a human.. i hv feelings!! when i m unhappy... or i m moody.. i lose control wigf my attitude.. i dun mind there isn't any1 2 comfort me.. but at least try understanding my feelings!!! do i nid 2 pretend i m ok while i m not!!!! if i m moody, i cant express my feeling 2 my luv one? den wat m i goin 2 do??!! pretending nth happen & cry alone in my room???!! i was moody last nite cz i was unhappy!!! i chatted wif alex & he was unhappy.. he told me he miss me.. & of cz i jz assume he is jk.. but things jz seems so different! he wasnt da bro i use 2 noe.. his attitude 2 me changed.. i dunno how 2 make him feel betta! where is da bro-sis relationship we use 2 hv??!! i appreciated it so much bt now...
i msg my luv one, jz wanna let him noe i m moody... thought he'll b there 2 cheer me up~ bt seems dat he is busy... & actually not replying my last msg cz think dat i m unreasonable!! all he thought of me was i m unreasonable & lose my tempered!! did he bother 2 ask me da reason i m moody!!!??? everything happens 4 a reason.. if i lose tempered cz i m boring, does dat sound so i m crazy!!?? he told me i was unreasonable & wont bother me... i heard it thru da phone tis morning, telling me himself!! dat moment, my heart broke into half.. *i hv nth 2 say*
after putting down da phone, we msg each other.. my tears was rolling down while messaging him msgs full of laughter... i cant get over wif it.. my heart was like being stabbed wif a sharp knife.. so pain till i cant describe... da wound cant b seen neither b touched.. nth cud cure it bt myself..
i was always askin myself 2 dun b so stupid & emo but how cum i nvr succeed doin it??!! how many times i wanna let myself hurt!!?? i m bringing out da porblem myself! all aso my fault!!!
sorry 4 being so emo bt i cant help it!!
i pray... pray 4 my true love... pls dun leave me again...
i dun wanna try da taste of being left behind again... plz!!!
god... i beg u... pls gv me a happy life... jz a simple life.. plz..........................................
i dun ask 4 more... pls..
i dun wanna b alone... i hate being lonely!! i jz wan sum1 2 understand me.. & will always b there 4 me.. i noe i m not gd enuf bt i'll try my best... i jz wan my happy life back!!!!!
i wan da happy me again... da one i use 2 b last time.. da one who always laugh bt not crying!! plz... sum1 help me~

its raining now... around 4.26pm in da afternoon..
i feel so moody & i dunno wat 2 do.. my sis & da catz r sleeping.. left me alone~ alone blogging here... he's rite, life is not jz missing sum1 u luv.. dats much more meaniingful things waiting 4 me 2 do..

i hv been so emo.. any1 seen ppl crying in front da pc while blogging? well... u met 1 now... lolz..
take care... [if i typed anything wrong, pls dun mind.. i dun hv da mood 2 review wat i had typed..]

my off day......

2006-02-08T08:22:00.000-08:00

2day is my off day!!!!!!!

early da morning i woke up & went 2 take my bath...
i had breakfast & i was set 2 go 2 da saloon... i planned 2 highlight my hair long time ago & finally......... now i cud!!!!! lolz...
i highlighted my hair *brown+red*... is not really obvious but i really like da colour.. i cut my hair & highlighted it wif rm90... worth anot ar?? lolz.. i dunno~

after my hair was done... i went home 2 call my dearest darling... lolz^^
we planned 2 go out 4 a movie & i called aub out 2...
he went 2 pick aub up & came 2 fetch me.. we went 2 mv & watched da movie *my kungfu sweetheart* [a really funny comedy.. u shud c da way aub laughed!! lolz..] after da movie, we went SHOPPING!!! lolz... bought a pants & blouse 4 myself & it cost me rm105!! lolz... nvm~ once a while mah!! lolz... den i bought a black t-shirt 4 my darling... lolz... [& not 4getting 2 mention, aub choosed all da clothes 4 us!! include my darling's!! lolz... she hv gud taste~] after dat, we went converse & tropicana life... omg!! i luv da pink t-shirt i saw in converse!!!! but they run out of size!!! i luv it so much!! 2 bad lor... no size~ *sobz* we went 2 U2 & there is where my darling bought a purple t-shirt 4 me~ [choosed by aub 2... lolz...] well... i nvr had a purple t-shirt... i love it 2 da max!!! not cz it is purple cz is frm my darling!!! lolz...
thx dear~
after spending money, we sent aub home... me & my darling went 2 hv porridge steamboat 4 dinner~ din really think is tasty lar.. but at least we tried lar.. [he was longing 2 try it..] after dinner, its time 4 me 2 go home!! oo*~ why time past so fast!!! after sending me home... here i m~ blogging... lolz.. [of cz i had my bath & everything 1st!!] now i m listening 2 da song *now & forever*, it makes me miss him so much~ my favourite song dat he sent 2 me.. [miss him so much!!!!!!]

its late... i'll stop here...
love u guys!!! muax!!!

p/s:
me & aub mentioned steff 2day... jz wanna let steff noes.. * we r there 4 u always~ take care dear...* muax!!! call u nex time..

Appreciate wat i hv....

2006-02-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

*who really cares bout *4eva love*?

*shud we appreciate wat we hv now?

*will things really last if we believe in it?

a nite we chatted...
chatted bout a lot things.. things we went thru...
it was like chattin wif a fren.. a fren who i believes in.. made me thought of sum ppl which were in my life & gave me support always... its been a long time..
i miss them so much..

*Boon Pink*
a fren of mine... who was da first person i really believe with..
i recall da 1st time we meet... i was a prefect & i was there 2 take care of his class!! lolz...
i was jz only form 2!!! lolz... he was form 3 & i notice he was da best looking guy among da others.. since then, poi chin & i started noticing him..
are we lucky or wat.. lolz.. his fren yow fei actually wanted 2 tackle poi chin!! lolz... [she is pretty~]
frm there we get da chance 2 noe boon pink... we were so childish!! lolz... so happy cz we get 2 noe him..
after not long, poi chin & boon pink actually coupled!!!!! lolz... of cz yow fei was a bit da sad...
they were goin well frm da start & there comes sum1 who tore them both apart... poi chin's feelin 2 him wasn't strong enuf.. she choosed da other guy, left boon pink... being da best fren of da one he loved, he called me 2 ask 4 help.. but there wasn't anything i cud do...
i started comforting him & there is when we started 2 b gud frenz..
when i was always unhappy, he will b there 4 me... i told him everything & i was glad dat he was there 2 listen... he came into my life as a fren... a really gud fren i nvr had.. he nvr left me alone when i m lonely..
everytime i feel unhappy, he is da 1st person who comes into my mind... till now, i still miss him..
we both almost coupled... but in d end, we notice we arent meant 2 b 2gether... [though we admited we like each other... lolz^^ ] still remember da time i asked him, " DO U LIKE ME? JZ ANSWER YES OR NO!!" lolz...a bit da straight rite? lolz^^ & he answered me wif a soft voice, "yes..." but still.... we thought bout it wisely & decided 2 remain as frenz...
it has been so long since da last time i saw him... da last time we chatted was like ages ago...
though time has past, but da trust i hv in him nvr fade away..
i really hope fate will bring us 2gether again... a friendship da will nvr ends...
boon pink, thx...

*Chun Kee*
lets recall how we knew each other...
oh yar!! he was aubrey's bf... lolz^^
he had aubrey & i had thiam chye... [aubrey & thiam chaye = so call brother & sisters]
i saw both of them got 2gether... saw them hving porblem wif their relationship... saw how aubrey hurted him.. saw aubrey leaving him...
remember da time he called 2 tell me dat he & aub broke up, he cried... he did love aubrey a lot!!
but they got back later........... -.-" lolz..
then i saw how he loved aubrey & wat he done 4 her... *so touching*
we bcame frenz cz we share sumthing in common.. da attitude our patners has [like settling relatationship problems by breaking up..]
we chatted so much bout feelings & everytime we chat... we chat really long.....
he was a true fren, really cares 4 me.. he felt heartahce when i m hurt... he always hear me crying over da phone & comfort me... till da time i was hurted by choong yik, he asked me.. he said he will take care me & love me.. but...................
lolz.... things go funny again!! we tried being 2gether 1 week & we still prefer being frenz.. lolz..
mayb we r 2 close & we noe each other 2 much.. so we still appreciates da friendship we use 2 hv...
once a while, he calls... i can feel his care... thz a lot!
chun kee, thz 4 being there...

*Alex*
alex... my pet bro...
knew him during my first job in metrojaya!!! lolz...
dat was da best job i eva had... he was working at Renoma & i was at Valentino...
being da youngest & only teenage girl there, every1 take cares me a lot!! especially ah sheat & alex.. after aub came 2 visit me, i only knew dat his gf was one of da 4 flowers in our sch, min huah!! lolz... i was so suprise!! he was my senior.. elder dan me 3 years...
after a month workin, we had bcame so call bro & sis... he really treats me like his own sis.. cares bout me & nvr complains!! lolz...
though later we seldom meet, he still calls me & cares bout me.. he really remembered me!!!!! *proud 2 hv him as a bro*
when i felt lost, he stood up 4 me... lolz [still remember while i was at tmn sg besi, thx kor!!!!!!!]
till now, he still cares.. & i really thx him 4 all da advice he gave me.. i hv learnt a lot!!
thx 2 my dear bro.... *promise* i'll live betta.. dun worry =)

these r all da ppl who came into my life & helped me a lot while dealing wif my miserable life~
i truly thx them & i hope i'll meet them soon... is been ages since da last time i saw them!! but da caring they gave me remains in my heart always no matter how long time had past..
i love u guys.. *best wishes* in u guys' life & i promise 2 b strong!!! thx 4 ya supports, muax!!

*may my friendship wif them nvr ends~ god bless...

Happy Chinese New Year...

2006-02-01T01:56:00.000-08:00

at last i m back home... after a few days of celebrating CNY, i m back home on9!! lolz

Chinese New Year Eve~
i was supposed 2 b goin 2 work on new year eve...
early da morning, i woke up.. i felt so dizzy & i had a really bad headache. i thought dat it will b ok after a while so i went 2 hv my bath... after taking a refreshing bath, i head off 2 work.
he came 2 fetch me 2 work.. in da car, i felt really sick... so he took me 2 c da doctor instead... we went 2 da clinic at tmn desa... da minute i stepped into da clinic.. i was like "wow!!" so many ppl o!! CNY so many ppl sick meh?? lolz... well.. i waited 4 quite a long time & my darling waited wif me 2... he was a great accompany... he was at my side when i felt so suffering... he comforted me & nvr complaint dat he was tired [mayb he is... but he nvr said so... "but no matter wat, i love u dear..." ] after an hour... finally it was my turn... i went 2 c da doctor & receive a lot advice which i dun like!! lolz... so many kind of food cant eat!!! its CNY & i actually hv 2 stop myself frm simply eating food.... =(
after seeing da doctor, he sent me home... right till my hse door!!!!! lolz... 1st time~ [damm... my dad missed da chance seeing him!! lolz...]
me & my family headed back 2 Mentakad around 2pm & reached at 5pm..
had dinner wif my grandparents... den i went 2 sleep... [cz i m sick!!!!!!! lolz]

1st day of CNY~
woke up in da morning & wore my new blouse!! lolz...
went 2 my aunts' hse and sure............. went 2 get ANGPAU!!!!! lolz..
sms wif my darling lor.......................... & there is my day....lolz...

2nd day of CNY~
early da morning.... back 2 GEMAS!!! lolz... always like 2 go back during CNY!!! FUN!! lolz.... tis year, uncle Geon Hock is back frm CANADA 4 CNY... [wish i cud go back wif him... lolz~ wanted 2 go canada for a long time^^] we had a lot of fun when v were in Gemas... couz r all there & we get money frm uncle Yoon Lai!!! lolz... he is da "choi san yeh"...$$$$$ lolz... chatted a lot wif Julie & Jc... [bout~ lol.....sum1 lar....^^]

3rd day of CNY~
i woke up & there was so breakfast!!! da whole day, i watch tv lar... gamble lar... den eat lar....
haiyoh!!! so boring wei..... in da afternoon, i went 2 took a nap again...lolz^^
when i woke up, adults r off 2 gemas town 4 dinner & da "small kids" [dat includes every1 which is unmarried k? lolz^^] stayed at home... d maid cook 4 us & we all still feel hungry...lolz..
around 10pm, da adults r back ... my parents packed their things into da car & is time 2 go back 2 KL!!!
in da car, patchy & coco slept wif me... we reached home around 1am...
i went 2 bed after i came back cz i nid 2 work... lolz...

these few days... i miss him so much... u noe who u r...
everytime i thought of him... no matter wat m i doin, he appeears in my mind...
y i love him??? i dunno y.... wats da reason??? all i noe is i love him.... love him... love him!!!!!
cant control my feelings... i sound so stupid rite???? =(
i noe i m not gd enuf but wat can i do????? is this da real me???? did i really changed or i hv been pretending all along???
so confused~ love him but still think i m not gd enuf 4 him... wat m i thinkin!!!?????
i dunno wat is da real me... sumtimes i feel is ok 2 b understanding but once a while i lose control & my bad attitude will come up 2 me again!!!! omg...... wat chud i do??? i m scared he cant stand me... cz i m so affraid i'll lose him...
mayb i was pampered 2 much by my ex & now i m such a baby!! dear, will u still love me???
no matter wat.... i still love him... jz like he said~ i love him more dan da water in da ocean...
*muax*

is my blog boring? lolz.... but is jz sumthing i wanna type lar...
cz i m so boring....lolz...
wish every1 HAPPY CNY yea!!! muackz................................

i love him so much~

2006-01-27T06:49:00.000-08:00

these few days....

he has been so busy cz of me... he sent me 2 work & fetched me after work... he was there 4 me when i was unhappy & nvr failed cheering me up =)
he was caring & helped me a lot in EVERYTHING.. dats i *LOVE* him...
he nvr complaint bout our relationship [mayb his heart did... i dunno~ lolz^^] & i learnt 2 b more understanding... i m not da one i use 2 b anymore, i din change myself 4 love but 4 MYSELF!! a person shud change when she understands wat is wrong... i wanna b betta... *SUPPORT* me?

My job nvr gets any betta..

i hate my job & i m happy dat i m leaving after next month!!!
everyday, i dunno wat did i do wrong... [y muz gv me those kind of attitude???]
my supervisor 2day... she served a customer, afraid she will say i din help her... i tried helping~ when da customer left while considering, my supervisor told EVERYONE, "if da customer comes back, i gv 10% & dats under mine.." wat does she mean by dat? she wanna say dat i din help her so i cud not get da comission? who cares!! i noe she doesnt gets comission cz she is a supervisor but wat kind of attitude is dat!!?? she gv me a long face & wat she expect me 2 say??? i jz said, "ok.." who wans dat a bit of money, i dun care!! i nearly cried cz of all these preasure i get while working!! i thought of my darling & i miss him... i went 2 da toilet & i cried... i cant stand it anymore!!!!!! i called him but he jz woke up, i dunno how 2 tell him... but i was so unhappy... i noe he's tired & i dun wanna bother him... so i nvr mention a thing! [shud dat b da reason i called him?] preasured.......i m really cant take it anymore... i really wanna cry it out so dat i cud feel betta... i m tired of it!! =(

when i always feel unhappy, i think of *him*... den i'll tell myself, "its ok... everything will b fine~ my darling is there 4 me..."

thx 4 being there 4 me... if u do love me, i m glad i founded u...
i love u~ *muax*

dats all for now, love u~ muax!

wat will my life be without him?

2006-01-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

Felt like i was in heaven~

2day i suppose 2 take da bus 2 work... i was all ready & wanted 2 go down early [dun wanna miss da bus... lolz^^]... suddenly da phone rang, it was my DARLING!! he called 2 ask me if i wud wan him 2 send me 2 work~ well...... of cz i wan!! lolz^^ he was down there waiting 4 me when he reached here [i admit i was kinda slow~ lolz..] he sent me 2 work... oooo* so SwEEt... when i reached & he left, i miss him so much!!! lolz...

den there goes my day of workin.... haiz...
siew leng is off 2day & i m like so alone~ *sobz* [miss her? nah.........] wheneva i feel unhappy wif my job or wat, i jz think of my darling, den everything will b ok again...

around 9 sumthing, i c my darling waiting 2 me outside my shop [he is always early... lolz] i finished my work & he sent me home...
well~ i was kinda tired in da car actually [i noe i was acting strong & didnt wanna admit i m tired...lolz^^] but i still wanna c him driving [dunno why leh...lolz] den i m satisfied~ he sent me back 2 my hse... [oops*!! 4gotten 2 gv him a gd bye kiss! lolz]

b4 i go home, a hug frm him really stays in my mind till now~
he hugged me tightly in his arm & i really did not wanna let go mine 2...
dear, i love u.... u love me 2? [i hope u really do....]

wat my life gonna b without him? i really wonder.....
i wont say i'll b upset till i go crazy [honestly....] but i hate da taste of it being leaving alone... so i kept on askin him 2 dun leave me... m i 2 stupid 4 askin all these nonsence?
reviewing da past i went thru, all my relationships was passing thru all these sweet time 2.... but in d end~ it still did not last, why??? i've been heartbroken so many times, will tis b da last time i m goin 2 b heartbroken? uncountable scars left in my heart cant b rub away 4eva & wat i can do is try 2 hide it... i always asked myself, m i 2 greedy? all i wanted was a simple life... sum1 there 2 care & love me but not 2 cheat on me!!! m i askin 2 much???!! but now i feel i m lucky enuf 2 hv him.... i might not b perfect but i'll still try my best 2 b a gud gf... i'll love him wif all my heart & nvr regret...
pls let b a lasting relationship tis time, i really dun wanna lose him!! i lost 2 many my loved ones b4 last time, da feeling hurts!!! i dun wanna taste it again!! *sobz* i promise i'll do my best.... i m glad he is there 4 me now, i do hope my post in da future wont b mentioning another guys~ haiz........
now, i miss him so much but he is outside wif his fren... i've been trying 2 b understanding, i wonder if i really did... lolz... but i nvr forced myself, mayb loving sum1 will really change me... lolz... how come i nvr been so understanding huh? last time, i wasnt lidat... why huh?? [i dunno either....] but is a gd thing i finally changed, not da inmature lil girl anymore [i noe i dun consider as a mature girl but at least i noe i grown!! lolz^^] phew~ i actually crapped so much???!!! lolz... but i dun think any1 enjoy reading it cz no1 really goes 2 my blog... i dun really blog 4 any1 2 c, i m jz expressing my feelings.. my blog is not fancy or wif pic... jz simple post bout my life... i use 2 write diary but since now i m facing da pc more dan my books, i mights well jz post wateva i feel...lolz...
haiz.............. tired~ but miss him 2... wonder he misses me anot~ lolz^^

enuf 4 2day & HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! *muaxx*

pls remain.... hope no more changes...

2006-01-21T07:04:00.000-08:00

if u cant really read wat m i typing... den dun continue reading da post dat i typed using tiny letters... read da larger wan.... [sorry if i been rude...but while typing tis, my mood is not so gud... pls understand me... thz a lot! =) ]

last nite... it was hard 4 me 2 get into sleep... i thought i'll b strong but i m wrong...
everything turned moody, i bcame so down... especially da labtop kept on hving problem.. i was so fed up & went 2 bed..
i lied down on my bed... alone in my room... he called n i pick up da phone... we chatted a while, but not as sweet as we use 2 b... he nid 2 go 4 his so call game [i think] so we put down da phone... after dat, my mind full of memories dat i hv been thru all along... it contains happy & unhappy memories... i thought about my life, i review wat i hv been thru... thought bout tis relationship dat might last 2... i still cant stand it & i was out of control...
i cried... hiding under da blanket, crying without any sound... i miss him, in my heart... i was fear i might lose him.. i dun wan 2!! i dun wanna think bout da past!! i dun wan... i nid a place 2 express my feelings n there is why i m here!! *sobz*
i miss him & i love him wif all my heart...[sorry if i typed any wrong words, u cant c anyway...lolz] i dunno wat 2 say... continue next time... betta day 2day.... da post bout 2day will b much more happier... phew..

phew........ at last i finished!! [dun read if u cant, it might spoil ur eyes, i m jz crappin my feelings out... lolz]
2day is a betta day.... cz my darling came 2 fetch me after work!! he came a bit early n waited 4 me 2 finish work... he sent me home & again... he waited 4 me downstairs...lolz... i quickly took a bath & went down.... [and.... i accidently hit Patchy's head while closing da door!! omg!! i m sorry Patchy... *sobz* i dun mean 2... i still love u, dun blame jie jie k? lolz]
after dat, he went back home & change his pants [i dunno 4 wat!! lolz... he look gd in his actual wan he is wearing... lolz] well... we had dinner & went 4 a walk at da nearby pasar mlm... & suprisingly, we meet sum1 there... after getting down frm da car.... i thought my eyes was blur but i m not!! he is in fornt of me!! [no nid 2 let u guys noe who is dat... i noe, my darling noe... dunno if he noes..lolz] we went 4 a walk... it was a boring walk but still happy cz my darling bside me.. love him! muax*
he sent me home after walking at da pasar mlm... miss da kiss he gave me on da forehead... ooooo.. so *sweet* [stupid me!! lolz] after dat, i went home & here i m, blogging "nonsence"...lolz...

i miss him so much now... dunno y, he kept appearin in my mind!!
dear, do u noe i love u so much?

dats all 4 now... -take care-

i hate work!!

2006-01-20T07:11:00.000-08:00

i hate work... workin sux!! every morning i wake up... i really miss school so much!! cz is another suffering day 4 me at MV!!! omg.... i dunno wat 2 say but i jz hate work... da ppl there is jz not my gang... i feel so lonely... i m always scared... fear... i dunno when is da next minute i'll get scolding again.. over there, i muz do sumthing when i m free though there is no customer... i cant really get sum time 2 rest!! even my breaktime, i still hv 2 stay there!! i wanna go out & take a breath aso cannot!!! haiz..... nvm...
i m leaving in da end of february...

whenever i feel lonely, sum1 will come into my mind [bet u all shud noe who izzit...lolz] he's jz like a guardian angle of mine... he appears in my mind wheneva i m unhappy or lonely... i do hope he didnt regret choosing me... cz i noe... i m not gd enuf..*sobz*
da past haunts me always, i wud not wanna think bout it but sumtimes, i cant control myself!! i admit i m scared of losing him & da fact is... he will if he cant stand me 1 day... soon.... really soon... he might get fed up, will he? i dunno.... time will prove everything....
no matter wat, i still love him... *muax*

tired.................haiz.......
take care, bye!

2006-01-18T05:35:00.000-08:00

i get 2 hv two days off!!!

so happy cz i finally get 2 rest 4 a while more....
i get 2 days off but i didn't stay at home 2 rest, i went out instead....lolz^^

yesterday, poi chin came 2 my hse in da afternoon... i showed her da pic i took wif my darling & she nearly fainted...lolz
i noe is hard 2 accept wateva i had done... but sorry!! lolz..

around 7pm, my darling came 2 fetch us 2 back 2 poi chin's hse.. after dat he left wif his fren... me & poi chin stayed at home.. v wan 2 go out but cant find any1 2 ask out... around 9.30pm, we found sum1... JASON!! lolz... 3 of us went 2 jln imbi 4 dessert... after dat, we were so boring till we went 2 bkt jalil park... we climb 2 da top n look at da nite view.. after 12, my darling reached home, so i asked him 2 come 2.... after he came, v took a walk... [romantic yea...lolz] he is really a sweet guys... love him... muax~ after a walk, da 4 of us went 4 drink... it started raining at 2.30pm, so..... i hv 2 go back!!! i dun wanna leave my dear.... *sobz* but still, jason sent us home n we slept arond 3 sumthing...

da next day, me & poi chin followed her sis 2 sg wang, i still cant stand it~ i bought 2 BLOUSES!! lolz... after dat, i took LRT 2 sri petaling & there is where my dear come pick me... he sent me back... there was a moment i'll nvr 4get...lolz [dun tell u guys wat izzit~ lolz] anyway, dear.... i love u!!

damm!! get scolding frm my dad... complain tis n dat!!! enuf lar!!! [i gtg b4 i get summore scolding]

take care every1... love u all~ tata =)

2006-01-16T20:16:00.000-08:00

omg!!! my life changed so fast??!!!

yesterday was our 1st date....
~we went 4 a movie at MV after i finished work... we watch da movie [Moonlight In Tokyo] a stupid comedy...lolz^^ but i hate da ending!! *sobz* it was so sad... he waited 4 me 2 finish work... so sweet~ lolz^^ muax!! he bought me dinner 2... ooo~ so touching lar... hehehe^^ [pround of it!! hahaha] after da movie, he sent me home... b4 goin back he accompany me 4 a while... how i wish da time cud stop there 4eva... after goin back, i miss him so much!! omg..... how come he keeps on appearin in my mind??!! so fast.... he changed my mind in love...

everything started on da day i broke up...
i was down n sad... i scrolled my msn list but i cud not find a fren i noe 2 chat wif... it has past mid nite n i was unhappy... i dunno y, i cant cry... dat makes me more suffering... i saw *him* & i thought it was jz sum msn fren i dunno... i did not care so much & started chattin wif him bout wat i m unhappy wif... after a while~ he mentioned aubrey!! omg!!! how come he noes aubrey??!! lolz... & i found out he was my tuition mate... omg~ we use 2 go mr eng's, & he quit a while me & aub join in... & i nvr notice he was in my msn list!!! lolz... everything started as a fren... and slowly, feelings started 2 bloom... i was 2 soft hearted... i m always lidat when i m down, especially when sum1 is at my side comforting me!! only he noes how do i feel, i told him wat happened & he gave me a lot of useful advice [izzit cz he's elder dan me? or he is much more mature? lolz]

few more days later....
our relationship kinda turned blur... we dunno wats goin on btween us~ but we still chatted like a pair of couple... but da last time we meet was almost at least half an year ago!! we plan 2 go 4 a date... & suprisingly, it turn out gd... [i think~lolz] i dunno wat is his feelin but 2 me... is ok~ since i miss him so much after leaving....lolz

dats all 4 now... love ya guys!! muax!! [miss him too~ lolz]

2006-01-14T08:42:00.000-08:00

Sumone special came into my life~

he was so sweet... da day b4... i was still missing joon yip... & i still weep 4 da past... after he came 2 me n gave me a lot fo advice~ i feel betta...
and dat leads 2 a dear fren...HonG*

he was there when i was down & cheer me up wheneva i felt unhappy...
i appreciate wat he did 2 me... nvr knew he was such a nice guy till now... lolz

i dunno wat 2 say... dats sumthing happening btween us...
[i know u'll b reading tis dear~ lolz]
he was supporting me all da way when i was feelin sad... i may had broke down if he wasnt there 4 me... i jz wanted 2 find a fren... n i choosed him in my list... & fate brought us 2gether now... rite? actually...still in da progress~ lolz.... i still hope things cud go happily...

he's so sweet~ here is a poem frm him 2*me*... hehe^^

Sittin in my bedroom ,
Not knowin wad to do ,
So , I decided to write down all my feelin ,
And make it a poem frm me to u .

Bcoz when im chatin wif u ,
I nvr feel any pain ,
All i hv to do is see ur smilee ,
And den im happy againz .

I don see u every day ,
But tts da way itz gotta be .
Juz knowin u r der ,
Is gud enuff 4 me .

You r always on my mind ,
No matter wad i do ,
Wherever i go ,
Wadeva i see ...
It always leads bac to u .

I hope u hv enjoyed readin ,
Tiz poem i edit 4 u :P
I noe it sounds cheesy ,
I miss u ... haha

[thx a lot~ is so touching... muax~]

dats all 4 now... ciaoz~

hey everyone!!

2006-01-13T07:44:00.000-08:00

omg!! it has been a long time i din blog~

i use 2 hv a blog which is http://sweetheart-princess.blogspot.com/
and it has been ages since da last day i blogged there...lolz...

life has past a long time since da last day i blogged... i finally finished SPM!!
i actually finished a month ago & i m back frm da genting trip we planned 4 months ago...lolz... & now, steff is at canada, frens r starting collegde... & bout me, i m workin while waiting 4 my SPM result...

during da time i was not blogging here, i actually broke up 3 times!!
OMG!!dats a lot rite? lolz
da one i was together for 10 months broke up wif me jz few days b4 SPM! cud u blive it???!! well it past... so den come a next one which din last a week & den another coming up again... wow... i sound so like a play girl~ lolx
well.....tis din last either, jz broke up & is only 4 one month!!! i damm hate myself... how cum i cant last a relationship??!! wats da prob?

i now regret 4 wat i had done but things will jz hv 2 happen 4 wat it shud b~ *sobz* sobz* i miss him so much!!!
[well....he won't b reading my blog anyway, rite? so nvm~ hehe^^]

here is da place where i cud express all my feelings!! if not... i'll go crazy!! i broke up wif him n now i m making so much noise!! wat da fxxk!!!!!!!!!! i m damm confuse now! sum1 teach me wat 2 do pls...............haiz~

i love him~ love him wif all my heart but no1 understands...
i choose 2 let go cz
~i wan 2 let him free cz he feels tired being wif me [ i dun like ppl wif me feel suffer]
~i dun wanna argue everyday... & i m da one starting it!!!
~i cant stand seeing sum1 i love unhappy [especially is cz of me!!]
~i dun wanna make sum1 i love's mood bad [cz i call or msg!! cud u blive it?]
~da one i love dun love me!!

why wud i wanna force sum1 who dun love me 2 b wif me? as long he happy... den is ok~ i do hope he is happy rite now....
dear, i do wish u r happy now without me..... *sobz* *sobz* love ya till now.....
suffering lar!! miss sum1 who doesnt love me....

when my i was in a bad mood cz of breaking up, i true fren came into my life n helped me a lot....dats hOnG*!!!
he is a fren of mine which we use 2 go 2 Mr Eng's tuition class... dat day i broke up, i went 2 check on my msn list so dat i cud find sum1 2 express my sad feelings 2... n i found him~ didnt noe it was him till we chatted half way...lolz! he did really gave me a lot of advice... he teached me 2 Love myself b4 loving sum1 elz rite? hehe^^
i thank him a lot!!! thz yea..................lolz
i remember we chatted till 4 am!!!! lolz... dat was long~ i m glad 2 hv a fren like hOnG*! he really did cared 4 me... i dunno how 2 thx tis true fren~ now... nobody noes bout my sad feelings except him.... lol.... he tried cheering me up... it did work a bit [actually, da video was stupid! lolz] i thx u wif u all my heart..... i m betta now~

though i still love him, i hope he cud hv a betta life now...... all da tears n weeping shud b gone by now... wish u all da best...

dats all 4 now... c ya guys soon~ tata